"Wives submit to your husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." --Ephesians 5:22-24
When do we submit ?
An interesting thing to note from this passage is what it does not say. We are not told that we are to submit to our husbands only when he is being the spiritual leader of our home or only when his idea is better, or only if he is smarter than us! There is not qualifier to our command to submit!
You might wonder if your husband's unbelief would be a reason not to submit.
"Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives." --1 Peter 3:1-2
This means we should submit even when our husbands do not believe. A wife nagging her unbelieving husband about church attendance, reading the Bible or about his eternal damnation might actually strengthen the wall of resistance around his heart. Conversely, loving and serving him in reverence and purity might just cause him to wonder about this Jesus who has so transformed his wife.
We are to submit to our husbands in everything. That does not mean that we cannot share our thoughts about family issues or what movie to watch or anything at all. It means that we let our husbands know that we support them and will back their decision even if it means sacrificing our desires. Ultimately, the final decision is THEIRS to make. If we want them to be the leaders of our home, then we need to LET them be the leaders! A situation that you feel MUST be handled YOUR WAY might in the end turn out even better doing it HIS way.
But what if submitting to his decision on an issue turns out badly? This is where we get the opportunity to build our husbands up in love. Rally behind him. Encourage him. Never say I told you so! The worst thing a wife can do is throw her husband's mistakes in his face. Manipulation and pushing your own agenda is emasculating and demeaning to your husband. Let him be a man. Make sure he knows that you support him no matter what.
I often hear women say they wish their husbands would take the lead in their home. Do you really? Frankly, many women who say this would chafe at the idea of submitting. These women have been in charge and have done things their way without answering to anyone. They feel in control and powerful. They say that they want a leader, but I think that their complaints are just a way of placing themselves above their husbands. It doesn't ring true to how they live their lives.
You might be thinking, "But my husband is not capable of leading our home. He can't handle the responsibility." Really? Our husbands need to know that we believe they are capable of leading and that we will support them in their role. Perhaps your belief that your husband can't lead is a roadblock to his becoming the leader God wants him to be? If you feel this way, commit your husband to the Lord and ask the Lord to change YOUR HEART.
After being "in charge" for so long, submission can seem scary. Letting go is hard, but if you want to be a woman after God's own heart, if you are committed to being the wife God wants you to be...let go! You might be surprised in the changes God can make in your husband, your family and, first and foremost, YOU!
Tune in tomorrow for Part 3: The Heart of the Matter...
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2 comments:
Oooo good one!
I know sometimes if I am sick or exhausted and all I want to do is nothing, my husband will want to do something or want something and the last thing I want to do is what he wants...LOL. But, I put his needs before mine, weather it be to get him a soda, or get him some pajamas while he's in the shower, I just do it. No point in having my lazy self complain about it...LOL. And I have a lazy spirit. I am not technically a lazy person but my spirit sure is.
Oh when I first got saved, I was on fire for God. As a new Christian I did not know any better. I would tell my husband "you need to get saved" and use to tear down Catholicism because they never taught about being born again and actually living a Godly life. Yeah...a little too much zeal there, huh? LOL. He would read his Bible and pray so that wasn't an issue to me but I wanted him saved and 'really' serving the Lord...*sigh* LOL.
He was more fervent in his faith back then now. Now his GameBoy, PSP, Internet and TV are his new gods and it just breaks my heart. Recently though in order for him to start reading the Bible again I have been asking him to bring his Bible to bed with him and read me some Scripture out of there. It's been working. But that's only like 5 minutes of Bible reading where as he plays 10-12 hours with his 'toys' I listed above. It's a start though.
He doesn't spiritually lead in the family as he is Catholic and I am one of those "born again fundamentalists" that he just can't stand. I do feel spiritually malnourished at times because we never agree on anything Bible based and he won't even pray with me because he says I won't say the "Hail Mary" or "Our Father" with him... *sigh*
My hubby is a great provider and decision maker but is a good head of the house, but spiritual head of the house ....you can make the call yourself. But...just because he doesn't lead me spiritually doesn't mean I will stop submitting to him. That would be dumb and just an excuse.
Bless you!
Dawn,
You probably already do this; but perhaps when he does read Scripture with you, you can thank him profusely. Tell him how deeply you appreciate him sharing in the word with you and that you love to hear him read the Scriptures. Ask him questions about the reading. Ask him to explain something that you don't quite grasp. Thank him for his answers. In time, he might WANT to read with you more. Make sure it is his idea, though. Otherwise he may resent the Bible reading and that is not what you want, right?
Thanks so much for the comments. It is good to know someone is reading. :o)
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